It’s hard, even incomprehensible, to imagine our Heavenly Father’s unconditional love for us. I am hard wired to earn love and deprogramming the hustle for worthiness is proving to be a lifelong quest. And the enemy is always there, backing up the distance from my acceptance of His love, no strings attached. Grrr…
I am going to go out on a limb and confess that the biggest snare I get caught in, is all or nothing thinking. I take 3 steps forward, but when I fall, somehow the tape that plays in my head tells me I have to start all over, bottom of the stairs. You blew it again. You are a million miles from becoming the woman God wants you to be. And there is a palpable loneliness is my heart amidst these thoughts – it makes my heart sad just typing these words. And it’s exhausting – REALLY exhausting.
But then there’s Tucker… that anything prayer that I prayed, Lord? The one where I thought I might be sent on mission work over seas but you told me to get a dog and I thought one of us had gone off the deep end and it wasn’t me? Oh how he is teaching me, Lord.
No matter how many steps I take away from him, he waits. No matter how long I am gone for, he waits. No matter how crabby and irritated with him I was before I left or upon my return, he waits. And as he waits… his love is unconditional. He just. wants. me. That lie from the enemy that we are so far from victory? It’s waiting and unconditionally ours. No judgment, not earning – just joy.
It’s time to head upstairs from my “java with JC” time and I just know, this is what I will find. Unconditional love. Every. Single. Time – just like our Heavenly Father.
I’m including a close-up just so you can see the forces I am dealing with. There are two things to note: Yes, that’s a shirt and it’s on our dog (he got neutered and a onesie was our alternative to the cone of shame) and we may or may not continue to put clothes on our dog. Jury is still out. Second, after God thrust this dog into our paths because I had no intention of being obedient to my “anything” prayer (I didn’t get the answer I wanted) we found out that this sweet boy was born on Easter morning. He just got cuter.