This feels really big friends. I have been studying Ephesians 6:10-19 (via Priscila Shirer’s Armor of God study) in conjunction with tapping into Brene Brown’s research and reading her new book Rising Strong. Then last night, I was conversing with my husband (Brad) as he shared what they talked about in his bible study on envy… that envy makes us feel like we deserve or are owed something and it triggers bad behavior. Are you with me still?
So this morning, in my java with JC time, I was really chewing on what Brad said and picked back up Andy Stanley’s book, Enemies of the Heart. One of the 4 emotions that controls our hearts is jealousy. When I reread that chapter, what basically ALL the enemies of the heart boil down to, is we want something but don’t get it. Every. Single. Time.
So I then grabbed another great book, The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg. I wanted to revisit the habit loop. There is a cue (I want that), which creates routine towards a reward. The reward for many, many habits I believe, is fuel needed to flame pride – the birthplace of SIN. The cues for our habits (sin) are so automatic, that we can’t even detect them. Enter in Brene Brown.
The ONLY WAY to conquer our sin, is that we have to be vulnerable enough to expose what we want – no matter how ugly that is. THEN, and only until you get it peeled back to its very core (what do you want) and open your eyes and heart to what God has ALREADY given you – can you eliminate the scarcity thinking that creates the “I want” and you give thanks for what you already have. What God has given you is enough. Every. Single. Time. It tripped up Eve in the forest, and it trips me up all day long.
SO an example for me and how this would play out. If I am being completely honest and vulnerable with all of you (why not, right? you’ve kept reading this far). Two great BIG forever areas of struggle for me are over spending and over eating. These are my most obvious (I am sure there are a truckload more!), but the proof is in the pudding’ – swimsuit and closet. Ugh. I’m so throw up in my mouth sick of the pattern of habit [insanity] that loops for me regarding these. If I peel back that super sweet shirt I saw at TJ Maxx, I can easily see I want that. My pride wants that. I want to FEEL fantastic at an event coming up because I continue to overeat and don’t feel good about myself because of that. So I buy it. On credit. Because I don’t have that much left in my budget to spend on myself. (Sorry honey, I know you that hurts you to read)
If I strip it all back and own it (super important piece of this is owning our junk), I want that shirt so that I can feel better about myself because of my gluttony in the kitchen. When I stand in that, I am dripping, DRIPPING, in shame.
But there is hope – SO much hope to break free. I don’t need that shirt. I just shined light and TRUTH onto this habit that has been crippling me for years and what I see is a daughter of the King, caught in the snare of the enemy. My reward is not the shirt that will cover my shame – because that keeps me stuck. There is a much greater reward that awaits me. It’s possible to end this insanity forever and that is to TRUST and BELIEVE that God has already given me everything thing I need and I am enough. Thank you, Jesus!
I don’t know about you – I have to believe I am not alone in this… but I am so exhausted. So tired of battling the great illusionist and his schemes (and don’t even get me started on all that has changed in this world to feed instant gratification – can you imagine a better weapon for the enemy to hand us?!). It’s time to stop the enemy from driving this crazy train I have been on (I want off!) and examine every thought that enters into my mind and heart and ask myself: What do I want that I am not getting? What feelings are being triggered in my heart (guilt, shame, envy, jealousy, greed, anger…)? and then How are these feelings attached to my pride (A.K.A. my sin)?
So yes, I am Janice Baldes and I have a full time job and it’s called pushing the enemy out of the drivers seat of the crazy train I have been on, and giving God back the control. No big deal, just your every day battle when you are a soldier in God’s army. How about you, are you in?